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I’m not sure I know what to say about my experience at Allume. I was asked about it today and this was all I was able to manage:

“I’m still figuring it all out. It was incredible and the messages were exactly what I needed to hear; but something was going on in my heart that completely took me by surprise, and it made me see everything through a really blurry filter. I’m praying through it to see clearly.” 

And I really want to — I want to pray through it and see it clearly and work through it with God.

But in order to do that effectively, I need to be still.

er.

Stiller yet.

God seems to be purifying me of some things. It’s rising to the surface and He’s wanting to skim it off. But before He can do that, I need to let it finish rising.  I need to be honest about the truth of it and I need to be still.

I heard that one blogger said this about her experiences at Allume: she didn’t get the answers she was hoping for the first year, and that her story is still being written in the second year.

And when I heard that, I just cried. Because I think that’s exactly what’s happening with me. I went for answers to the wrong questions. And God is still writing the story.

So I’m still processing Allume. But I will say this:

Meeting online friends in real life and loving them even more than you thought you would is the best feeling in the entire world. (Finding out they are sorority sisters is just icing on the Devil Dog.) And spending time with these friends — unencumbered by the responsibilities of real life for just a few days — brings a bond that it forever etched in my heart and His hands.

It’s a beautiful thing.

And I’m planning to be still-er to soak in the memories of that, too.

p.s. Ann Voskamp never stops reflecting the joy and glory of Jesus. Not ever. I almost grabbed a towel to throw over her head, because my eyes!

p.p.s. Melanie Shankle had the greatest hair and flat out preached. And I want all her accessories and booties.

p.p.p.s. Lisa-Jo Baker is tall. Like 5’10” tall, and I was so excited I almost did a happy dance! (In public. Definitely did one in private.)