• Dramamine? Check.
• Seasickness wrist bands? Check.
• Seasickness patches? Check. ($52 later.) (Thank you insurance and flexible spending.)
• Bonine? Check.

The sweet irony will be that I’ll get sicker from the seasickness medicine than from the sea itself.

“But Monica, why would you need seasickness medicine? You’re landlocked in the mountains of North Carolina.”

Good question, my friend. A good question, indeed. I hope you look good in green; I’m going on a New England/Canada cruise. Seven GLORIOUS days cruising a part of the continent I’ve never seen. Seven GLORIOUS days away from constant cell service and email. Seven GLORIOUS days away from normal. Seven GLORIOUS days with my husband. (And yes, about a dozen or so people from church, but they’re fun, so it’s going to be awesome.)

And GLORIOUS.

(Can I mention, though, how weird it’s going to be to need a passport to get into Canadia? Because I grew up in the Pacific Northwest, and we took road trips to British Columbia a lot. And passports were laughed at. Or maybe they weren’t. I was just 19, what did I know other than I didn’t need one?)

(And yes, I said “Canadia” on purpose. That was for you, China White.)

We leave promptly when the rooster crows on Saturday morning. And in case you’re wondering, NO, I haven’t started packing yet. Packing is strictly an 11th hour job for this girl. I’m typically in a crunch getting ahead of work and home issues before I get away, that the packing part is the easiest.

Especially since I have a sticky note for my packing list.

No, not the old-school paper ones; I mean the desktop Stickies application on my laptop. Where would I be without my Stickies? They remind me of everything from what to pack, to what to buy, to how much it costs to print square invitations. If only my Stickies would sync with my iPhone reminders. THEN, I’d be virtually OCD organized.

Or at least appear to be.

Regardless, Friday is my everything-I-have-to-do-that’s-not-work-related day. Which includes, but isn’t limited to: laundry, cleaning, packing, grocery shopping, organizing the kids and all that jazz.

(All that jazz.)

Due to cruising and the high-cost to internet and all, I can’t promise I’ll be Johnny-on-the-spot with my posts next week. But if I’m appropriately relaxed and inspired, I’ll post when I’ve reached some free wi-fi cafe in Quebec City while asking the garçon where les toilets are s’il vous plait?

(Maybe another shade of green would work better on you.)

(Holy parentheticals. It’s kind of annoying now, no?)

Thankfuls for this week!

1. Cruising. My first one. I won’t get seasick, right? Do we all remember the lovely sunset sailboat cruise around MAUI and my several instances of vomiting? Surely that was an isolated incident.

2. Greg’s Laughter. I’ve mentioned a few times, I’m sure, how when Greg really cracks up at something he sounds like a weeping woman. Few have been privy to this limited display of hilarity. But those who have seen it now believe and even try to force it. (Bolivia Team 2011, I’m talkin’ to you.) Well. Will Farrell was the guest host on Saturday Night Live this past weekend. I couldn’t tell you which skit it was, but Greg fell victim to the weeping woman fit of laughter. I frantically searched for my phone to record the moment for all of you to see. But I was too late. But it was awesome.

3. Front Seats. For the first time ever, I let Jaana ride in the front seat this week. Only for a few short miles, and it won’t be a habit. I’m too much of a MeMaw about that. But she acted as though I had told her she was going to Disney for a week. And sometimes, winning a little battle here and there is more important than winning the war. (Or something like that.)

4. New Phrases. Recently introduced into my daily vocabulary: “hither and yon.” As in, “I’ve been running hither and yon all day, and I’m exhausted.” Isn’t that all kinds of fun?

5. Free New Bag. A friend of mine’s mom recently gave her a new bag as a birthday gift. And she didn’t want it. And she said, “hey, do you want it?” And after one look I knew it would be perfect for the cruise. Can’t beat that, jack. Not even with a stick. Kindle, camera, Bible and journal…meet your new home for the next seven GLORIOUS days.

6. Greg Coming Home. Greg was gone for a solid week for classes out of state, and we went to pick him up at the airport over the weekend. As we waited for him near the Baggage Claim and escalators, I saw signs everywhere welcoming home the troops. And I mean, everywhere. Banners. Large ones. Then we saw Greg. Paxton shrieked and went running to him. They embraced in a very smothering hug. Passersby clucked, “Awwwwww, so sweet.” And then I realized. And I felt so bad. I almost yelled out: “He was only gone for a week! He’s not in the military! Save the touching clucks for them!” Then next I thought, “Hey, it might have only been a week, but he’s still our hero.” (But hello…awwwkkkkkwwwaaarrrddd.)

7. Happy Hairs. While in The Big City, I visited my Hair Guy and he made my hair feel like it naturally belonged to the blonde. And, as a bonus, he tinted my eyebrows just enough so that I don’t have to waste time trying to give them some color with a pencil. How fun is that?

8. Fun. Evidently I’m all about the fun this week. Maybe to overcompensate for the grumpy and crazy of the past few weeks?

Speaking of fun, I inquired of a friend via text picture if my new nail polish color was okay. She then queried her co-workers and sent me a text that said, “It’s right on time.” To which I replied, “What is that? New lingo I’m supposed to know?” To which she replied, “Yes, it’s all the rage here in the ATL. It means it’s cool. On trend.”

This. This from the girl who the other day said, “She was totally ragging on me” circa 1992.

So later, when she told me something that was kind of a bummer and notsomuch fun, I said, “That’s so late.”

And then I almost drove off the road because of the tears of laughter in my eyes.

9. Grace. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — where on earth would I be without the grace of God? I’ve been such a total bonehead lately. A grumpasauraus rex. A Debbie Downer. It’s been very frustrating, to be honest; I loathe myself when I’m like that. And the mistakes or slips of the tongue (or keyboard) I’ve made are embarrassingly high. But praise the Lord, He continues to give me chance after chance for redemption. And He’s gentle enough with me to remind me I can’t do it on my own, and to just chill. out.

10. Red Shoes. Sometimes, a girl just has to bite the bullet and buy some impractical red wedge heels. And so I did. And now I’m trying to incorporate them into my wardrobe with a devil-may-care-I-just-threw-it-all-together-without-thinking attitude. But that’s hard. Because then I want to do the red lipstick and the red jewelry and sometimes I’m just too darn matchy-matchy. So here’s to red shoes and switching things up.

(And here’s to me stopping with parenthesis AND hyphens.)

(Heavens-to-punctuation-Betsy.)