I link up with Lisa-Jo on Fridays for a writing flash mob…throwing caution to the wind and gathering to share what a few minutes of free writing can buy.
Today’s topic: AFRAID
The scales are evenly balanced and I’m just waiting, waiting for one more ounce of truth to fall to tip them in one way or the other so I know. Do I let go or push through?
Time and resources and circumstances are all dispersed on the scales and it’s so heavy — I can’t lift or carry it anymore and I just need that one whisper of a feather to fall on one side or the other.
Is this God’s way of telling me to let go? Or is it His way of testing whether or not I’ll push through and persevere?
Discouragement has convinced me to give up. Let it go. Put it to rest. But trust in what He’s told me tells me to set my face like flint and keep moving.
And the more I question, the more fear sets in:
- I’m afraid of losing momentum
- I’m afraid of letting go
- I’m afraid if I let go it won’t come back to me
- I’m afraid of losing ground
And then the truth rises from the center of the scale in a whisper but I hear it as a shout:
You don’t trust me.
And I try to convince myself otherwise but the words ring hollow even in my own ears.
And I’m reminded of Sarai and Ishmael and that’s not how I want this child to be born. I want a better story than that. Deep down, I truly do want it to be God’s child and His gift, not a fabrication of my own handiwork. (<= tweet that)
So the scales still sit there, perfectly balanced because the pound of truth that came didn’t fall to the side that said quit, and it didn’t fall to the side that said go.
It fell to the dead center that says not to let it go but to lay it down. And to trust Him for today. To be still and be free and know that He is God. To be unfettered and careless in the care of God. And to just do what He has for me to do today. And to enjoy life.
“Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.” (Matthew 6:26, The Message)