A Beautiful Life: Week 5







This is Sara. I first met her years and years ago at my sister-in-law’s house, and as we chatted in that kitchen one summer day, I remember distinctly telling God that I really, really needed to be friends with her. She has a confidence and wisdom that I was desperately lacking, and just knew in that place you know, that I could benefit from being around that. And here we are, a decade or so later — not just friends, but partners in this ministry-movement-thing called BE. God, you take all our little dreams and blow them up into amazing every time, don’t you?

Sara is a lover of life and of people and believes in a life of transparency and honesty laced with grace and kindness. After God practically had to hit her over the head, she finally grasped the concept that it is okay to be exactly the way He created you to be and who He created you to be (though she admits He has to remind her every once in a while). She also enjoys exercise, entertaining, decorating for the holidays and family dinners. And although she enjoys sharing life with others, nothing can replace the joy of serving her family — sitting for hours at ball fields, cooking, endless hours of homework, listening to the stories of the day, or admiring the one that completes her and makes her a better person. She podcasts and writes at Be Still Be Free.

When Monica approached me about contributing to this amazing series, I fell immediately in love with the Bible verse she chose:

Psalm 16:11 from The Voice: “You direct me on the path that leads to a beautiful life. As I walk with you, the pleasures are never ending, and I know true joy and contentment.”

And then she went on to tell us that the Hebrew word for “never-ending” means enduring, strength, victory!!

I immediately began to think back about my journey over the last 10 years. Soon after my 30th birthday, I became very aware of a lack of joy in my life. With all of my heart I wanted to know and serve God, but when I looked around I didn’t really feel the presence of God in my life. Have you ever been in that place? You know God as your Lord and Savior, but He feels so very far away no matter what you do?  And Psalm 16:11 states that “He directs me on the path that leads to a beautiful life.” Even though I believed with every ounce of my core the truth in that, I felt abandoned and alone. And most certainly my life did not seem beautiful. How could I feel like this? So much of what I had wanted in life I had (an amazing husband, two children, a house, security, friends and so forth).

But I was feeling so joyless.

“As I walk with you, the pleasures are never-ending…

Hmmm, never-ending (enduring, strength, victory). Even though I didn’t have this verse in my life at that particular time, in my heart I knew something wasn’t right and I certainly had no victory and my strength was wavering. However, by the grace of God, there was this small voice I began to hear that said something like,

“Sara, this is not all I have for you.  Surrender your life; pray for transformation; allow me to work in you and I will show you joy and contentment”.

Okay, I hear ya God. Now what? What do you want me to do? Should I go join a new Bible study, lead a new Bible study, become a better person, join a ministry, be a better mom, be a better wife? Maybe those things will please God and He will direct my path.

For months, I struggled with what I was DOING wrong…and then instead of using a still, small voice God had to get kind of loud and shout to me

“Be still, and know that I am God!”

And really, if I am being honest, I didn’t even hear the “and know that I am God part.” I just heard the Be Still! With much desperation for being rescued, I began to Be Still.

The last part of Psalm 16:11 says, “and I know true joy and contentment.”

At Be Still Be Free we did a podcast one week on Be Joyful. We discussed that one of the definitions of  joy is “a happy state that results from knowing and serving God.” And that joy is in direct proportion to a believers walk with Jesus. I then realized something that changed my life forever; although I felt God directed my paths, I took over from there. I tried with all my best efforts to show God He could be proud of me and be pleased. Look at all the things I do, look at all the ways I am!…all without knowing it I had become judgmental and prideful.

And I wasn’t that way just with others, but with myself. You see, we often impart what we possess. (tweet that) I was so unhappy with me, that I was unhappy with everyone. I was so worn out by doing that my cup was empty of what mattered — like knowing God — and full of the lies of Satan.

BUT GOD, in all of His goodness, has shown me that He wants to be on the journey with me. That I don’t need to worry about what the rest of the world is doing…just how I am allowing God to walk with me, directing me in a beautiful life. (tweet that)

After what seemed like forever of God calling me into a time of solitude, He has lifted the lid and is starting to lead me down new paths. Some of the lessons He has revealed during this time are:

  • “Be Still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). To know God means to be still first. We often think that by doing more things for God we will know Him better. But God literally tells us “to be weak in the knees”, to fall down before Him and allow Him to lead us.
  • God does not need us to change the world. He chooses to change the world through us.
  • The gospel is not about all the things we do right or do wrong. The gospel is the Good News of the saving grace of Jesus Christ. All that other “stuff” is religion. Once we accept Christ as our Savior, we need to allow Him to bring Psalm 16:11 to light.
  • “The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is of great value in the eyes of the Lord” (I Peter 3:4). If unfading beauty is a gentle and quiet spirit, then I want that. Learning how to communicate with the world is just as important as what you are saying if not more. If God is going to use me, I need to learn how to be gentle and quiet.
  • “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12).
  • And lastly, God does not count how many things we are doing right or wrong. He is not interested in numbers or productivity. Rather, He is concerned with my willingness to grow in Him and be used by Him. He will take care of the rest…I just need to be careful not to take over. (A Mary spirit)

There are so many more things I want to shout from the mountaintop, but these are some of the most definitive lessons for me. God’s desire is for us all to live in joy and contentment. Growing pains are never fun, but the end result is so worth it. My prayers for God to change the way my eyes saw, to open my ears to His ways, to mold my heart to love like Him were answered. Now, it’s still a daily journey but Praise God that He is so full of love and mercy! Praise God that He never gives up on us…never leaving us or forsaking us! Praise Jesus for a Gospel story! And Praise Jesus for the freedom that comes in Being Still!

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Additional Resources: Looking for some tools to help? Check these out!

1. Lord Is It Warfare? Teach Me To Stand by Kay Arthur. Study and devotional that will equip you to recognize and understand the spiritual warfare that is inevitable for those who follow the Lord Jesus Christ.

2.The Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy DeMoss. Amazing book and study that offers the most effective weapon to counter and overcome Satan’s deceptions — God’s truth!

Watercolor hearts photo ©iStock.com/beastfromeast (modified by Elevate Ideas)

Sink or Swim (A Beautiful Life – Week 4)






I met Katie at Allume as our little motley crew sat down for our first meal. We shook hands and introduced ourselves and within 15 seconds she deadpanned the funniest thing I think I’d ever heard in my life and I knew I was going to force a friendship upon her whether she wanted it or not. That night as we passed the salt, our newly formed little posse staked our claim and etched our names on that table, thereby daring anyone — anyone — to sit there the rest of the weekend. God knit us together forever. We might just get matching tattoos.

TexasNorth is a little farm in Western Michigan. It’s home to 25 chickens, 35 longhorn cattle, a chocolate lab (Abe), 3 barn cats, a fabulous office-man-by-day-farmer-by-night husband, and 3 ridiculously cute children (and that is no joke, I could eat up her kids just from their instapix). Katie — the mom of this zoo (and author of the journal) — has been known to mow the lawn in a skirt and roast marshmallows after dark. She believes in Sunday school and miracles and apple pie, and writes at TexasNorth.


There is not much about the ocean that is supportive of human life. We cannot breathe in water. We cannot swim like fish. Gracious, after 20 meters our bodies sink rather than float…that’s a simple law of physics. No, there is very little that invites us into the deep.


I am watching a community grieve a child of 13 who was diagnosed with cancer seven days ago and is gone today. They swim blindly, searching for any sign of light to point them out of the wreckage.

I am holding the hand of a friend whose spouse has walked away. Where is He? she wonders, but it is not her husband she is asking about.

I am desperate for the sun. Winter is creeping in, freezing emotions and motivation…taunting with short tempers and too many tears from little people. Is this all there is? Am I destined for ashes instead of green pasture?

I am beginning to think land is not safe, either.


What? What is there? When your body is in the very real wreckage of every day life in this broken world, what is there to do? The water is too deep, the ground is unstable, and we find ourselves with no soft place to land.

We must keep moving. I know you are tired. I know you want nothing more than to sit…to sink…but, rest will come when this season is over. For now, there is a battle for your heart and you must stay alert. Swim. Run. Fight. Ask. Laugh, yell, cry and fall…but keep moving. He will find you and He will literally raise you up. Love is not what He does, it’s who He is. (tweet that) He will leave the flock to come find you, every time.

Remember, Friend, that your home is neither here nor there. Keep your feet light and your heart focused on Christ. Your life, your hope, your comfort is found IN HIM and nowhere else. Surround yourself with Truth that does not falter under the pressure of our heartbreak or doubt. Truth that pierces darkness. Truth that is beauty amongst wreckage.

“I am the Lord and I do not change.” (Micah 3:6)

“We do not lose heart.” (2 Corinthians 4:16)

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)

“Spirit lead me where my faith is without borders.

Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me.

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander 

and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” 

[*lyrics by Hillsong United, Oceans]

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Additional Resources: Looking for some tools to help? Check these out!

1. Mentally Strong People: 13 Things They Avoid. Loved this article from Forbes about how to grow mental strength, even if you’re not a naturally optimistic person.

2. Gratitude and the Hand of God by Karen Yates. Beautiful post about choosing “to take ownership of our attitude, wield our sword, and fight back.”

Watercolor hearts photo ©iStock.com/beastfromeast (modified by Elevate Ideas)

Red Stone Arrows

Such a beautiful post about God’s forgiveness, redemption and grace…

Meant For Something More

I haven’t written in a long time. There’s a reason for that. It’s because I’ve been dealing with some stuff.

What I’m posting today isn’t my usual nonsense. :) I feel led to share the difficult journey I’ve been on with the Lord lately. I hope and pray that as you read it, God will speak to your heart the way He’s been speaking to mine lately.

Isaiah 1:18

… Though your sins are as scarlet, The will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool.

Something happened that threw me into a sort of tailspin. It isn’t beneficial to say what it was… only that I felt I had been wronged.

You know the feeling. When you look over an event again and again examining your words and demeanor… trying to figure out why what happened happened…

But after it happened……

View original post 1,662 more words

My Advent


We planned an induction for him.

We had just moved to the mountains six weeks earlier, at the end of October on a weekend when a freak snowfall happened and I smiled into falling snowflakes as I felt God whisper,

Welcome home.

Since I was very great with child, the stories came at me like a non-stop barrage immediately upon my arrival.

There’s no labor and delivery at our hospital.

The closest hospital is half-hour away down the mountain.

We’re due for a bad winter.

You’re due mid-December? You might not make it off the mountain.

Did you hear about the couple who delivered their baby in the car halfway down the mountain on their way to the hospital?

It was this last one that I heard no less than 20 times that confirmed anything less than a planned induction was not an option.

Welcome home, indeed.

I checked myself into the hospital and got comfortable for the next several hours. As labor progressed and the epidural kicked in, my excitement to finally meet this boy — this promised child — went as off the charts as my contractions.

We had waited for him a long, long, time.

We had suffered for him through miscarriages and tears.

We had anticipated him through words of confirmation and prayers.

As I hit 10 centimeters, I mentally prepared myself for an easy delivery — one, two, three pushes and his crying, heaving chest would fill the room and my heart.

The doctor did a final check and announced he was breech. In my naivety I immediately asked, So what does that mean? I thought perhaps a little repositioning would be all that was needed.

But at 10 centimeters he was going to barrel his way through regardless of which end was up.

Within seconds of the doctor uttering the words C-Section, a team of nurses resembling a hazmat team burst into the room and rolled this very great with child mother onto a gurney. I began sobbing and shaking and as they whisked me past my family I saw brave faces giving me a thumbs-up, doing their best to encourage me.

Welcome home.

The operating room was cold…so very, very cold…and between the epidural and anesthesia and fear I could not stop shaking and sobbing. My husband put on his brave face too and kept whispering everything would be okay.

In just moments I was exposed and he was pulled out. I heard his cry and the official announcement of it’s a boy! and my husband kept saying Man, that’s a good looking boy! over and over on repeat.

Each time he said it I went more and more out of my mind. I hadn’t laid eyes on him yet. I heard him and was told how handsome he was, but I hadn’t seen him. The nurses and doctors kept saying everything looked good, that his lungs and chest were clearing, but I hadn’t seen him yet.

I wanted to see him.

They finally brought him to me and I wept again — this time from warmth and joy. But as they put him in my arms, the coldness and sobs came back again. I couldn’t hold him. All the anesthesia had numbed me from the chest down and I couldn’t feel my arms. Despite being completely flat in a gurney, I was paralyzed with fear I would drop him.

So they laid him between my legs and wheeled me to my room as I laid flat, completely numb and unable to move.

I called my mom on the other side of the country to tell her he was here and he was perfect, but all the medicine and change in birth plans hit me like a brick wall and I threw up and continued to do so for another 14 hours.

Welcome home.

BIG SIS & BUB copy

Due to the unplanned c-section, I stayed away from the mountains for a few days in order to get checked by the doctors. Greg and Jaana went back up while my in-laws upended their home to make Paxton and I feel comfortable until we could go home, too.

In that sweet little room, with the bassinet next to my bed, my head spun for days as I tried to categorize what had just happened to me.

And while I was with family that I loved and adored, I felt alone and confused. Nothing had went the way I thought it would.

When I got back to the mountains I tried desperately to get back into the swing of things, but something was always off. Nursing was hard. Living in a house that was temporary was hard. Living in a town that was only weeks new was hard. Adjusting to a family that after almost six years went from three members to four was hard.

Postpartum depression rode in with guns blazing and attacked from all sides.

Welcome home, indeed.

And then it was suddenly four years later.

Four years filled with God’s grace and provision, filling the temporary and making it permanent. Four years of God’s peace, filling the darkness and making it light. Four years of God’s pure joy disguised as a laughing, loving and happy boy.


The funny thing about blessings is that sometimes they show up all wrong. They show up contrary to your plan and your reaction is confusion and chaos. Sometimes you’re unprepared to handle the manner in which it shows up…and sometimes it requires you to look past how you thought it would be and see it for what it is.

Sometimes the greatest blessings show up as a baby wrapped in cloths in a manger, to a young girl who’s trying to not feel alone and confused and gypped out of her pre-determined birth plan.

Sometimes our personal advents — the arrival or coming, especially one which is awaited, according to the dictionary — means we have to wait just a little bit more before the impact of the gift truly revealed.

As I celebrate my son’s birthday today, I reflect on the advent of him…of waiting for his arrival, his coming. How we waited, and waited some more. How we suffered, and suffered some more. How we anticipated, and how we anticipated some more.

me & bub

But I also reflect on the advent of Jesus…waiting for His arrival, His coming. How God’s people waited, and waited 33 years more. How God’s people suffered, but He suffered more. How they anticipated Him, and we — us here today — keep on anticipating.

Sometimes the greatest blessings show up as small, infantile gifts that appear contrary to our expectations. Sometimes the unexpected manner in which it arrives requires us looking past how we thought it would be in order to embrace exactly what it is.

We are welcomed into the blessing, even when we don’t feel at home in it.

“A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices. For yonder breaks a new and glorious dawn.”

Welcome home.


These Moments

When my kids make my heart leap and their laughter fills my soul and I suddenly realize I am so incredibly blessed.


When my husband has a hard day and God gives me peace and shows me how to pray.


When I look in the mirror and am satisfied with who I see, instead of wishing she were something or someone else.


When a relationship starts taking a turn for the better.


When I wake up feeling rested instead of tireder than when I went to bed.


When the house is tidy, but not perfect.


When I let go of the pressure to do, and just allow myself to be.


These are the moments I choose remember…

…when my kids are bickering and arguing.

…when the urge to defend my husband rises.

…when the mirror tells me I’m not enough or I’m too much.

…when a relationship takes two steps backwards.

…when I sleep poorly and am irritable all day long.

…when the house is perpetually a mess and no one is picking up after themselves.

…when all I do is do, and it never feels like enough.

These moments are what I cling to when life shows up and tries to persuade me otherwise.

These moments are the ones that define, shape, mold and transform.

These moments — these God-breathed, peace-giving moments — remind me of Who has everything in the palm of His hand.

“Just as the mountains around Jerusalem embrace her, the Eternal, too, wraps around those who belong to Him— for this moment and for every moment to come.” (Psalm 125:2, The Voice)