Week 3: Words of Affirmation (Foreign Languages)

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I was going to wait and save Words of Affirmation for last. After all, it’s the one I’m the WORST at, which obviously means (you guess it), it’s my husband’s primary love language. And I was hoping that by the end of this series I’d have some more encouraging illustrations to report on how much I’ve grown in this area.

But then a gentle voice whispered to me, “who are you kidding?” and I sucked in a deep breath and decided to just go for it.

Because, y’all, I’m the WORST at words of affirmation. And I personally need some serious help in this area.

What’s interesting to me is that I’m great at telling people I’m not as invested in how awesome and wonderful they are. Friends, acquaintances, even my kids are a piece of cake (okay, totally invested there). But when it comes to my husband, I suddenly clam up and throw a loose jab onto his shoulder and mumble under my breath.

It’s as if I suddenly feel like I’m 14 years old telling a teen boy how much I like him and I feel all goobery.

“Oh you, you’re such a great provider and you work so hard for our family.” (arm jab)

“You’re like, really cute, and I’m so proud to have such a good looking husband.” (mumble mumble)

See? I’m awful. I feel those things and more, and I could write them all day long, but to verbally speak them to Greg is so very, very hard for me.

And that’s the whole point for a words of affirmation person — they need to hear it verbally.

Words of affirmation is all about encouragement and verbal appreciation for your loved one. It’s acknowledging their importance and value they bring to your life. It’s giving them uplifting words and not devaluing ones; giving words of appreciation and not nagging; speaking truth in love, not lies.

THE MAP

How can you know if the country you’re traveling to is a one of words of affirmation? Here are a few ways to tell:

  1. They speak words of affirmation to you. Greg speaks things to me all. the. time. He encourages me, tells me he thinks I’m beautiful, tells me what a great mom I am, etc. He speaks encouragement to every single person he knows — telling them they’re doing a great job, he appreciates their service — all day long he speaks words of affirmation.
  2. They ask you questions to get words of affirmation out of you. This is SO easy to overlook. Your friend might ask you what you thought about her writing piece or painting. Your husband will ask how he did leading the small group. Your mom will ask how she looks and do you like her shirt. It might seem frustrating at times…like you can’t tell them enough…but that’s exactly what they’re trying to tell you: you’re not telling me enough!
  3. They ask, not demand. Your husband might say, “If you get a chance, would you mind going to the cleaners for me today?” instead of “Go get my clothes, woman!” They’re courteous in their requests, because they want courtesy reciprocated.

KEY PHRASES

Here are some easy ways to literally speak love to your loved one:

  1. Say thank you. In and of itself, a simple ‘thank you’ for their help with the groceries, or cleaning, or meal will not fill their love tank. But verbally acknowledging them with gratitude is a start. When your husband gives the kids a bath and puts them to bed, make sure to clearly say, “thanks for your help with the kids tonight, honey. It helped me a lot.” Again, it’s not going to fill them up, but it’s a great first step.
  2. Compliment them. Tell your man the shirt he put on for work looks really good on him. If it feels awkward, say it in passing as you’re about to blow dry your hair. Walk past and say, “that shirt looks great, babe” and keep moving on so you don’t feel like a tongue-tied tween in front of Justin Beiber. (Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything.)
  3. Be aware of your tone. You’ve experienced this — someone says one thing but their tone says something entirely opposite. Be aware of your presentation and tone of voice as you say “thank you” or “nice shirt.”
  4. Use humble words, not demands. Ask your spouse, “Think you’d be able to get the stuff down from the attic this weekend?” instead of “Geez, sure would be nice to have the boxes out of the attic.” Or if your friend calls but it’s a bad time to talk, say, “Oh my gosh, I so wish I could chat right now but I wouldn’t be able to give you the attention you deserve. Can I call you back tomorrow instead?” and don’t say, “Dude, there’s no way I can talk right now. I’ll call you back.” Soft and humble words are much smoother.

CLOSED ROADS

Words of criticism, discouragement and negativity are absolutely toxic to those who have words of affirmation as their love language. When words are the primary way they feel love, negative words absolutely crush them…especially if their tank is already low or on empty. That doesn’t mean you should never have honest conversation, but it means to be very aware of your presentation in sharing, and use a compliment sandwich: speak a compliment, say the truth, speak another compliment.

You are probably going to feel like it’s ridiculous that you should do that, after all, aren’t they grown ups and should be able to handle it? But just as neglect makes a quality timer wither inside, irresponsible harsh words will tear down your loved one.

CHALLENGE

In Psalm 81:10, God says, “Open your mouth wide and I will fill it.” And honestly, that is exactly what the challenge is going to be — simply opening your mouth to speak affirming words. You can determine ahead of time that yes, that’s exactly what you’re going to do…and then when the moment comes, your lips are cemented together and you just cannot open them.

I know, I’ve been there.

But listen, it’s easy to brush it away as being “too hard for me,” and “they know I love them.” But that’s not fair to your loved one, especially if they’re making efforts to speak love to you. The devil will do anything and everything he can to create division in your marriage and relationships — do not let your awkwardness win when it comes to speaking love languages — it’s too important.

The hardest thing about words of affirmation is initiating it, especially if you grew up in a home that didn’t speak encouragement. Speaking another’s language is always uncomfortable. But to the recipient, it’s not so much about succeeding as it is making the effort. If words of affirmation isn’t native to you, but you simply say one day, “you’re so naturally gifted at math (or public speaking or whatever).” I guarantee: love tank fill up.

The key to making all this work is grace and motive. If you trust your loved one’s heart is to please you, it makes it so much easier to forgive them for not being fluent and for mispronouncing a few words.

At least they’re trying.

What about you? Do you speak words of affirmation, or does your spouse? What has and hasn’t worked for you?

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Week 2: Physical Touch (Foreign Languages)

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He gets up from the couch to walk into the kitchen, and as he passes by her he places his hand on her shoulder, just for a brief second.

Love tank fill up.

She sees that her friend doesn’t have the usual smile on her face at church, and without asking a single question, she just embraces her into an enormous God-sized hug.

Love tank fill up.

They are on a date, early in the relationship. They haven’t said “I love you” or kissed or anything yet. As they watch the concert, he reaches over and quietly grabs her hand. For the first time.

Love tank fill up.

They’re at the movies, sharing a popcorn and anticipating the show. As the lights dim and the previews begin, she rests her head on his shoulder and puts her hand on his knee.

Love tank fill up.

While for some spouses physical touch equals s-e-x, more often than not, it’s a very non-sexual love language. Speaking physical touch is simply a physical expression of your affection and love for them, given in an adoring and tender way. And most of the time it’s small gestures given in high frequency.

THE MAP

How can you know if the country you’re traveling to is a physical touch one? Here are a few ways to tell:

  1. They touch you. Sounds easy enough, right? But it’s easy to miss. If it’s a friend, it might be one who loves to hug you — for any reason, any time and every time. Maybe it’s your husband reaching out to put his hand on the small of your back as you walk together into the restaurant. Maybe it’s your parent or sibling brushing your hair away from your face while you talk, or giving you a foot rub. Maybe it’s your child who continually asks for her back to be scratched. The acts of touch themselves to not have to be long — they can be quick and brief moments — but they happen frequently.
  2. They ask for touch. Again, easy, right? But if physical touch is not on your radar, it’s easy for it to go unnoticed. Do they frequently ask for back rubs? Does your husband joke about the lack of intimacy in your relationship? Sometimes those are longings to be touched physically disguised as “help” or fun.
  3. It can be disguised as closeness. Often, someone who speaks physical touch will put themselves in physical proximity to you. If you’re working in the garden, they sit on the porch reading. If you’re in the kitchen cooking, they’re at the counter on a stool near you. If you’re on your computer, they’ll plant themselves in the same room. They just want to be as near to you as possible.

KEY PHRASES

Here are some easy ways to speak physical touch to your loved one:

  1. Touch them. I know — DUH. But sometimes we complicate uncomplicated things, right? When you walk by your spouse on your way to the kitchen, place your hand on their shoulder without a word and then keep moving on. When you’re meeting with a friend, reach out and grab her hand as she shares, or embrace her into a hug that’s just a little longer than you normally are comfortable with. With your kids, just scoop them into your lap for a snuggle, even just a couple of minutes several times throughout the day.
  2. Let them touch you. When your parent begins stroking your hair, resist the urge to shrink and hide. If you’re driving with your spouse somewhere and they reach out and grab your hand, give it a little squeeze and hold tighter than normal. If you’re watching a movie with a friend and they sit by you on the couch, don’t scoot over to the side as far as you can. Be an open touch canvas.
  3. Be near them. Bring your laptop into the living room if they’re watching TV and work in the same room as them if you can. If they’re working in the yard, go sit with a book on the porch. You don’t have to engage in conversation or quality time for closeness — simple physical proximity is more than enough.

CHALLENGE

Don’t not touch. For physical touch speakers, the avoidance of touch is a deafening silence. Even more so, don’t touch with any harmful intent — even if it doesn’t seem harmful to you. Don’t snatch papers away from them harshly; don’t shrug out of their hand-holding with disdain. Try not to do the “stiff as a board” hug where you stand there with a blank expression, arms dropped to your sides — or one-armed side-hug that communicates you think they might have cooties.

The hardest thing about physical touch is initiating it, particularly if you grew up in a non-affectionate household. Speaking another’s language is always uncomfortable. But to the recipient, it’s not so much about succeeding as it is making the effort. If you don’t speak physical touch, but allow a sibling or friend to snuggle into you while you watch a movie, love tank fill up.

The key to making all this work is grace and motive. If you trust your loved one’s heart is to please you, it makes it so much easier to forgive them for not being fluent and for mispronouncing a few words.

At least they’re trying.

What about you? Are you a physical toucher, or is your spouse? What has and hasn’t worked for you?

(I can’t end this without saying…if you’ve experienced pain from physical touch previously in your life — through abuse of any kind — please seek professional help and understand this love language cannot be spoken or received without true healing in your life. Find a professional Christian counselor who, through prayer and training, can guide you toward restoring this expression of love in your life.) 

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Week 1: Quality Time (Foreign Languages)

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When Greg and I were dating, it took me a good while to realize we spoke different languages. We seemed so compatible and everything seemed to just flow. But as our dating continued and got more serious, it became evident he was speaking Swahili and I was more of the !Kung dialect.

The first time I realized quality time might be my love language was when Greg and I were dating. We had planned spending an entire Saturday together — we didn’t have anything specific in mind, just that we’d be together. I was overjoyed at the idea of an entire day with the man I adored.

We grabbed some lunch and when we were done, Greg mentioned that he told a friend of ours we’d stop by his baseball game.

I suddenly became very quiet and very grumpy and couldn’t quite figure out what was wrong with me. I think I chalked it up to PMS.

Fast forward to the first few months of marriage. Our ministry and marriage all happened simultaneously, and suddenly our calendar became not our own. Week after week was event after event, and nothing was left for just the two of us.

One morning at the breakfast table I had a semi-nervous breakdown, and couldn’t quite identify what the problem was. Again, I dismissed it as PMS.

And then started taking Black Cohosh to get my mood swings under control

Eventually, I remembered the book The Five Love Languages and started putting two and two together. And I actually got to four, believe it or not.

I sat down with Greg and explained to him what was going on, and it was right then we began our annual planning for our lives. We still do it. At the end of every year (well after church annual planning is done), we sit down and plan out everything for the year — date nights, family date days, vacations, conferences, Georgia football games — all of it. And unless it’s a wedding or funeral, we try very, very hard not to move those dates.

Because once I know quality time is coming, I can handle everything else that takes up our time. (tweet this) This past fall and winter, Greg handled (with incredible grace and determination) his full-time job, doctoral school work, and assistant-coaching high school basketball.

Had it not been for weekly breakfast dates and occasional date nights, I would have absolutely lost my mind. Quite literally.

For someone whose love language is quality time, I think it’s important to first identify what quality time is not:

  • It’s not a date with another couple or a night out with friends
  • It’s not simply being in proximity with each other
  • It’s not time together where you’re both on phones, tablets or watching TV

Simply put, for someone who speaks quality time as their love language, it’s one-on-one, undivided attention time. It can happen in a restaurant, a coffee shop, the couch or the bedroom. It’s knowing that at that moment, the other person is focused on nothing else but you.

THE MAP

How can you know if the country you’re traveling to is a quality time one? Here are a few ways to tell:

  1. They might suggest “doing” things as a way to spend time together. A parent might suggest a day of shopping. A friend might want to meet for coffee. A spouse might ask to have dinner and take a walk after. When I want to spend quality time with my children, it almost always involves going for ice cream, or playing at the park. Quality time (at least for me) is more special when it’s outside of the house because there are too many distractions at home.
  2. They eliminate distractions when communicating with you. If you’re having a conversation, they turn the TV off or the volume really low, so they can focus and really hear what you’re saying and maintain eye contact. Doing this is a way to show that you are more important than what else is happening, and is an indicator they would like the same courtesy. If you’re on the phone together, they might get easily annoyed at outside distractions like you having conversations in the background, or loud noises interrupting.
  3. Their time with you is focused more on fun than work. If during your time together they make a point to say they don’t want to talk “shop,” they might be craving time to just be. Sharing laughter, stories, dreams, desires — those can be an indicator of a quality timer — so bringing up budgets or issues will lessen the impact of your time together.

KEY PHRASES

Here are some easy ways to speak quality time to your loved one:

  1. Turn off the distractions. When your loved one walks into the room to talk to you, turn off the TV and put down your smartphone or iPad. Maintain eye contact and don’t interrupt. Show them that they are the only thing you are focused on is them.
  2. Suggest a date. Whether it’s a spouse, friend or family member, suggest time together. Go out for coffee, lunch or a movie. Take them shopping or out for ice cream. It doesn’t have to happen all the time, but the fact you suggested it will mean a lot — the fact you actually do it will mean even more.
  3. Focus on fun. Effective quality time dates for me personally do not involve discussing budgets, work, schedules, or kids stuff (unless it’s to talk about how cute they are). Don’t bring up issues or problems — just laugh, learn and love.

CHALLENGE

The hardest thing about quality time is starting to speak it. If you’re not a quality timer, it will feel so awkward and uncomfortable to suggest time together — you might feel like a middle schooler asking, “do you wanna go out with me?” Not only that, it will be downright tempting to not scroll through Facebook on your phone or send off texts in between conversation. After all, you’ll think, “how much eye gazing can one person do?”

Speaking another’s language is always uncomfortable. But to the recipient, it’s not so much about succeeding as it is making the effort. Greg’s love language is not quality time at all. For him, driving in the car together used to count because we were in proximity to each other.

Now that we’re 10 years into this thing, he gets that quantity of time doesn’t matter…it’s the quality of quality time. And I love and appreciate every effort — so I don’t hold him to the fire if he checks his phone when I run to the bathroom or turns on sports radio in the car.

Listen, if you visit Paris, you slip into your native tongue when you don’t have to speak French. You just can’t help it. (tweet this)

The key to making all this work is grace and motive. If you trust your loved one’s heart is to please you, it makes it so much easier to forgive them for not being fluent and for mispronouncing a few words.

At least they’re trying.

What about you? Are you a quality timer, or is your spouse? What has worked and hasn’t worked for you?

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Foreign Languages: New Series (Introduction)

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I’ve been on six mission trips and two vacation trips that involved visiting foreign countries. I’ve been to the Philippines, Hungary, Germany, Spain, France, Italy, Canada, Bolivia and yes, even Gibraltar. (You know, home of The Rock.)

Nine countries with nine different languages, and I never knew more than a handful of phrases to get me by in each one.

What amazed me about my unilingual-ness is that each time I pitifully said “how are you?” in Tagalog or “how much for that gorgeous patent red leather purse?” in Italian, the Filipino and Italian people were so grateful that I even attempted to speak their language instead of being frustrated they didn’t know English.

One butchered phrase after another yielded kindness and admiration.

Yes, even in Paris. “Oui, un hamburger avec fromage.”

What’s puzzling to me is that when we travel overseas, we take the time and effort to learn a few phrases in another language — but when it comes to communicating love in marriage and other relationships, we just demand and expect that those we love speak English.

Our spouse might speak Spanish or our siblings speak German, yet we make no effort to learn even a few phrases in their native tongue.

Enter The Five Love Languages.

You are probably more than familiar with this book. I read it for the first time when I was single, and it absolutely changed my viewpoint about all relationships — parents, siblings and even friends.

In case this concept is new to you, Dr. Gary Chapman outlines in the book five basic ways that we express and receive love:

  1. Quality Time
  2. Physical Touch
  3. Words of Affirmation
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Gifts

All of us, for the most part, have a primary and secondary way that we give love to others…as well as ways we receive love from others.

For example, I have a friend whose love tank overflows when her husband voluntarily takes care of vacuuming and cleaning.

I have another friend whose love tank fills when his wife holds his hand in public and rests her hand on his knee.

I have another friend who loves it most when her husband plans date time and takes care of all the details, then holds her hands and gazes in her eyes while giving her 100% undivided attention.

Oh, wait…that last one is me.

In any case, Dr. Gary Chapman is a genius.

So if you’ll bear with me, for the next five weeks I want to journey toward exploring the five love languages. We’ll take a look at what they are, what they mean, and how to speak them. And we’ll also discuss the importance of moving past the awkwardness of speaking a language that’s foreign to you. (It’s always the first bonjour that makes you feel dorky.) Next Monday will start week one and we’ll take a look at the first of the five (in no particular order).

Because it’s vitally important.

Because knowing, translating and speaking the five love languages is not just for the sake of our marriages, but for the sake of our friendships and family relationships as well.

Because almost every important relationship in your life will speak love in a language foreign to your own.

Especially your spouse.

Guaranteed.

Once we begin to discover which language our loved ones speak, we can get at least a few key phrases in our back pockets that will make our adventures in these other countries much more enjoyable and fun.

I also believe this will help our relationship to God — who speaks all of them the best. Won’t you join me? (And if you haven’t already, go buy the book.)

What about you? Are you familiar with the five love languages? If so, are you practicing speaking them regularly to your loved ones? What has worked and what hasn’t?

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Week 4: S:e:x (Maintain Your High Maintenance Marriage)

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I am so impressed with everyone’s responses to this topic in last week’s giveaway about rhymes-with-tex. To enter the contest, I asked everyone to leave a comment listing on a scale of 1-10 how embarrassed they were to leave a comment on a post about sex. And I was seriously blown away by the number of women who were not embarrassed at all.

Not only that, when I posted the giveaway on Facebook, I included a comment about how God wants us wives to embrace the fullness of who He created us to be, and that includes the sensuous side. And I actually had a couple husbands comment and say “amen” and “this is so important!”

Ladies, when men are commenting on Facebook about wives embracing sexuality for the sake of intimacy in marriage, you know it’s a big deal. (tweet)

Because here’s the thing — we absolutely cannot undermine the importance of our sexual relationship with our spouse. We miss out on the fullness of blessing in marriage when we leave one aspect of the relationship out. 

So I’m doing something a little different this week and asked a couple people to help contribute on this incredibly important yet never discussed topic.

The first is my awesome friend Sara. She is currently co-leading a small group that is studying the book Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex. Sara’s passion is to help women embrace the fullness of Christ in their marriages and selves.

The second is my incredible husband Greg, who is an Assistant Pastor and has spent tons of time teaching on marriage as well as counseling couples, and honestly, having a man’s perspective (that’s not our own husband’s) always brings a viewpoint we otherwise would have missed.

I think both of them have invaluable insight that will be such a blessing to you.

So without further ado, here’s what Sara had to share based on her experience leading the Intimate Issues small group:

So, this week my wonderful friend Monica asked if I would write something for a series she is working on for her blog…the topic, SEX!!  Some of you might be asking yourselves “who in the world would want to write a little blurb about sex?” Well, I would have to tell you that I am standing on the mountain top screaming “I DO!!”   

By no means am I an expert on this topic. However, I am passionate about the success and happiness of marriage and am burdened by the number of failing marriages both in and out of the church. If we step back and assess the situation, we can see the truth of God’s purpose in marriage.

There are several purposes of marriage but one of them and I believe the most critical, is that the marriage union is the example that Christ gives of His relationship with the church (Ephesians 5:31-31). How then, can we reach the world for Christ when the very institution that is supposed to display the example of His love to those who don’t know Him is falling apart? 

So, what does that have to do with sex? Well, most of the marriages that are ending are doing so because of infidelity. How and why is this happening?  Though we do not have the power to control our husbands or determine their course, I would propose that women have a lot more influence than they might think or want to admit knowing.   

We all have a story. Some of us were virgins when we got married, others of us not. Some of us have a great sex life, and others of us would rather have nothing to do with it. Some of us unfortunately have suffered at the hands of abuse while others of us were trained to believe everything to do with sex is bad. Whatever our story, whatever the journey that has led us to this point in time, we need to be set free of those burdens or humble our egos as we realize that we are all sisters in Christ with a common goal: having a happy and successful marriage. 

In a Bible study that I lead with some amazing women in my life, we are studying a book that Monica referred to a recent blog: Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus. We decided that we wanted to hear what the Lord has to say on the issue of intimacy. We participate in all kinds of studies as women, why not one that is very applicable to such a time as this? If you are looking for a book packed with scripture opening your eyes and hearts to the God’s view on the marriage bed, then I would urge you to purchase this book and get started.  

But ladies, the idea here is not to become an expert biblically on the issue of intimacy in order to gain more control over our husbands. It is so that we can meet him in the middle with sound advice from scripture on how to nurture our marriages. I think if most of us were honest, we would admit that we spend more time nurturing our ministries, children, careers and friendships more than we nurture our marriages. And we wonder why marriages are failing? Satan has us right where he wants us…malnourishing our marriages. 

Again, if were all honest, we would admit that the end of the day we are exhausted and have nothing left to give anyone especially our husbands. And they should understand right? The problem comes when that exhaustion has carried over day after day into weeks and months and the marriage continues to go malnourished. The idea here is not to be sex-crazed women — it is to be wise, redirected women. (tweet) Quality and quantity are never the same thing.  

I am not suggesting that if we rekindle the passion in our marriage that all failing marriages will succeed. However, I am suggesting that it will aid in the healing of many hurting marriages, make successful marriages even stronger, and perhaps redirect some of the ones that are going down a sorrowful path. We need to reclaim our marriages from Satan. We need to be willing to humble ourselves to our husbands and serve them. We need to fill our minds and heart with truth especially since the world around us is filling it with lies. We need to remember that our lives are for God and that in serving our marriages we are glorifying Him…after all, isn’t that what it is all about?   

I will leave you with this from Intimate Issues: “God does not expect us to become sensuous saints overnight. He asks instead that we go forward in becoming the lovers He created us to be. Christian women should be the greatest lovers on earth because, as believers, we not only possess physical passion, we have the ability to infuse holiness into our sensuousness.

I know — so incredibly powerful, right?? I love the concept that we have the ability to infuse holiness into our sensuousness! Somehow it’s been so easy to separate the two concepts — but to fuse them together brings about a whole new perspective into what intimacy with my husband should be about.

Can you imagine walking into the bedroom one night to seduce your husband with an infusion of holiness and sensuousness? Ba-bam.

Okay, here’s what my awesome man had to share:

When I think of what sex means in a marriage, I think of the power it has. Sex is not just a casual thing in a marriage. I know most men would agree with this, but maybe I can add a little different perspective than most men have thought of. I would be lying if I said I didn’t approach sex from a physical perspective. I believe all people approach it this way and that’s what makes it so good for us. But since I have been married to Monica, I have attempted to approach sex from a spiritual and emotional perspective as well. 

Monica’s love language is quality time and I have made every effort over the last ten years to become very good at quality time with her. I think our physical relationship plays into this. I know that this dedicated time with her helps to fulfill her need to spend quality and intimate time with me. This causes me to really think about my approach. My approach must be less about my fulfillment and more about hers. I believe this leads to an emotional connection. 

Spiritually, I know that God brought us together and part of this togetherness is our physical relationship. I abstained from any physical relationship for a while before Monica and I met, and then during the year before we were married we made a commitment to honor what we felt like God wanted us to abstain from physically. I think this drew us closer to God and especially made me grow closer to God’s desire for what the physical part of our relationship should be about. 

I feel my role in our sexual relationship is to honor God by honoring the needs of my wife. I love her and I am forever attracted to her for who she is!!

When we take care to make sure the emotional and spiritual needs of our spouse are met, the physical satisfaction just solidifies the bond and brings a blessing I think God is excited to give to us. He’s all about oneness — oneness in Christ and oneness in marriage.

Is this easy to do? NO. Of course not. Because we have an enemy whose sole desire is to divide and conquer any way he can. I can have all the best intentions in the world to sensuously fuse holiness into our marriage bed but then kids and jobs and deadlines get the best of me and there seems to be nothing left to give. And those are the times I have to choose to focus on my husbands fulfillment.

Because it’s not really just about his physical fulfillment — it’s about mine, too. Whether I think I can do without it or not, I really do need it. It’s one of the ways God creates closeness, oneness and intimacy. All the communicating and serving and laughing in the world will not take the place of physical intimacy in a marriage. It just won’t. (tweet)

Challenge: Pick one night this week where you determine you are going to fuse holiness and sensuousness together. Forget about the dishes and the kids and what time the alarm clock will go off in the morning — just focus on the blessing it will be to be one with your husband in a way that cannot be duplicated.

I hope you’ll check out these additional resources:

I want to give a special THANK YOU to Kayse for being the brainchild behind this series! It’s been an awesome series to write, and I have loved collaborating with these other amazing women:

Be blessed this week.

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