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I worked in silence today.
Usually when I’m home alone I’ve got music playing (never the TV) and it’s just quiet and low in the background. But today — today it felt too noisy. Too intrusive and distracting and it added too much into an already wildly spinning mind.
So for six hours, I worked and cleaned and prepped and showered with no sound except for my thoughts.
I had no agenda or plan or list of things I wanted to focus on or pray about. I just wanted silence — it felt so wrong to have any external distraction so I went with it. And it provided time for my mind to just race and spin and every so often something that didn’t need to be there would escape and by the time I left to pick up my daughter from school, I felt
at peace. Calm. Unhurried. Slow. Deliberate. Intentional. Centered. Chill. Like I was moving through molasses, but in a really great way. Like I had all the time in the world.
It was so unlike any of my other days, ever. And it was beautiful.
There used to be a lot more times for me to be alone with my thoughts — when I used to go for walks and runs and never use music and each pounding of my foot would eject another thought and by the time I was done, all the junk was filtered out and I felt
at peace. Calm. Unhurried. Slow. Deliberate. Intentional. Centered. Chill. Like I was moving through molasses, but in a really great way.
But I haven’t had those times in a while. My exercise routine has changed to better fit my schedule and day and that’s great! it’s wonderful. But after sitting alone in silence today with just my thoughts, it occurred to me that I need to carve out more time to do this. I’m such an internal processor that I hear God more clearly when I’ve had time to sift through the weird stuff and let it escape.
And when all the junky thoughts are gone, I’m ready to receive the God ones.
Do I need to sit in silence for six hours every time I want to hear God and get peace? No, of course not. And I’m sure I’ll be back to my music tomorrow.
But I do need to make more of a practice of quiet. Of silence. Of giving myself time to let my mind wander and process and filter and escape. Of giving myself permission to feel all the junky thoughts and search my heart and then bring it all to God. Like the verse I posted on Sunday from Psalm 4:4, remembering to keep my mouth shut and let my heart do the talking.
It was a good day today, and so unlike any of my other days, ever.
And it was perfect.