Five Minute Friday #2

Per The Gypsy Mama:

“Around here we write for five minutes flat on Fridays. We write because we love words and the relief it is to just write them without worrying if they’re just right or not. So we take five minutes on Friday and write like we used to finger paint. For joy in the process. No matter how messy the result. Write for five minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.”

Today’s topic: ACHE

GO.

The feeling runs deep, and threatens to overwhelm and choke the life out of me. I hate to admit it; it’s not an ache for a person or anything more “worthy” of the emotion. It’s the ache for an ideal, a dream. Something intangible and unimportant and ridiculous.

It’s a warped sense of pride, if I’m being honest. My obsession that focuses on me, my insecurities, my flaws. The countless, subconscious thoughts of “if only” and how my happiness can be wrapped up in such preposterous external factors.

I try in my own power to break free from this stronghold — this ache — only to realize again and again that I’m unable to do it on my own. Yet I don’t pray for help because it seems small and unimportant and therefore unworthy of God’s help.

I have a deep longing for freedom from the ache. It’s all I think about. But it’s like breathing to me, I don’t even realize it consumes me most of the time. And then suddenly, I’m stunned into conviction but the fact that I think about this thing more than I think about God. More than I think about Christ.
And that makes me ache all the more.

STOP.

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One thought on “Five Minute Friday #2

  1. My heart ached for you as I read this as I've been there, and the only relief I have found is not to beat myself up for the ache (which I still do sometimes, but less often) but to go to God and ask Him to comfort me (2 Cor. 1:2-4)…and He does…sometimes in an immediate way and sometimes in ways that I don't recognize until much later. Praying you experience His comfort and unconditional love for you.

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