I guess you could say this post is more of a praise report than a birthday wish to my boy. Originally I was just going to write about how much Paxton has grown over his first year of life, what a blessing he is…and post pictures of him not wanting to eat his cake. But God sort of blew my socks off today, and I want to really savor it, and grasp the fullness of all that He’s done.
This fall I submitted an article to www.incourage.me for publication on their website and daily email subscription. They said they loved my submission (fall-related), but wanted something more winter-focused. I knew just the thing to submit, and they told me it would be featured on December 10. “Aww,” I thought to myself, “how sweet, it will come out on Paxton’s birthday!” The article is about my struggles with miscarriages and how that affected my faith in God..and how God was reminding me that He can do anything He wants to do, whenever He wants to do it. So the timing of it was divine, I knew.
I didn’t realize at the time just how divine it was.
The article came out today. So I sat down to re-read it (you know, to make sure I didn’t say anything goofy or whatnot). By the time I got to the end of it, I was in tears and couldn’t speak. I hadn’t realized that the date I originally wrote the article was December 9, 2008. And I also hadn’t realized that at the end of the article I had written, “And if that means making it snow on December 10 in Georgia, then bring it on.”
Exactly one year later, on December 10, 2009, God did make it snow. My Paxton was born.
And now, another year later to the day, God brought me the reminder to my inbox of what He can do when I first ask Him, then hand over the control to Him.
It was such a hard year experiencing those two miscarriages. Then when I did get pregnant with Paxton, each day was filled with anxiety. Each doctor’s appointment I was wracked with fear praying there would still be a heartbeat. His delivery was very difficult and required a last-minute, unexpected C-section. I vomited for 14 hours afterwards and had a difficult recovery. But here I am, a year later, and I can honestly say it was all worth it. Every tear, every heartbreak, every fear I struggled to take captive and submit to Christ…every moment of it was completely worth the blessing we have now. Paxton is amazing. He’s perfect. He’s a joy.
And now he’s one.
I feel so humbled and unworthy that God would orchestrate such perfect timing for all of this…just to remind me that He’s still in control. That He was weaving together a beautiful, original tapestry. That I was too close to see how it was going to look, but from up above it was going to be beautiful. Breathtakingly, heartbreakingly beautiful.
I sometimes can’t believe he loves me so much that He’ll go out of his way to show me. I don’t feel like I’ve done anything to deserve it, and I tell Him that.
And He replies, “I know.”
Happy birthday to my sweet blessing. Thank you for being here, and for reminding me of how deep the Father’s love for us.
I love you. Both of you.