This picture has nothing to do with the post, but I had to include it because Jaana took
it herself, and I thought it turned out pretty awesome.
I’ve got some bad habits. I’m acutely aware of them pretty much all the time…so much so that I try very hard not to judge or talk bad about anyone else because of the plank in my own eye. I’m very aware of said plank, and even sand and stain it every spring so as to avoid eye splinters.
Sometimes my flaws leap out at me from the kitchen sink as I’m washing dishes. Or from the back of my car as I’m loading groceries. Or on the treadmill as I’m trying to not stare at the seconds slowly ticking by. One jumped out at me today as I was trying to get both kids ready and bundled up for the Christmas parade, and Paxton had a meltdown, and I couldn’t find our float, and Paxton wouldn’t stop crying, and my new travel mug didn’t fit in the stroller cup holders, and Paxton was freezing but wouldn’t keep his mittens on, and I was trying to locate Greg.
So on this freezing, drizzly day, I’ve decided to help you feel better about yourself by giving you some inside scoop on a few of my faults:
I’m a skimmer. When I read anything, I never fully read everything. This goes for books, instructions, recipes, cards, emails, blogs, articles, letters, nutrition labels, newspapers, magazines, shampoo bottles, etc. If there are words involved, you can guarantee I’m reading a total of about 60-75% of them. Perhaps this explains why I can’t cook well, or assemble furniture, and can read a whole book in one day. Even just last night I forgot to add garlic to my Thai Peanut Chicken Pizza because of the skimming.
When my fuze is blown, it’s b-l-o-w-n. 90% of the time I have a long fuze. It can take a whole lot to get me irked. But when that 10% rolls around, it’s over. In the past I’ve acted on this by sending smart-mouthed email replies, or acting snotty, or even using what some would call colorful language. What have you. I still do some those things now, but instead of hitting “send,” I hit “save as draft” and then delete it when I’ve cooled off. Or now I’ll act snotty, but I’ll do it in the privacy of my own home. Alone. You can’t prove anything!
I can be pretty self-centered. This is one I hate the most about myself, and the thing I’m working the most on. The world doesn’t revolve around me (gasp, shock, awe!). Sure, we’d all be better off if it did, but that would require a lot more responsibility than I’m willing to take on. (I kid.) I wish I could say there’s been a lot of progress here, but it seems to be two steps forward, three steps back.
I tend to be sloppy. But not sloppy in a messy kind of way, but in that doing-things-sloppily (or half-a@#ed, as my mom used to say). At most tasks, I’ll find the most efficient or fastest way to finish it (great!), but half the time that can tend to be not the most effective(not great). I am notorious for not putting things back where they belong, so when I’m trying to find something when I really need it, I can’t. I’ll get lazy about organizing so instead of knowing exactly where the camera charger is, I’ll know I saw it somewhere it didn’t belong and waste a lot of time looking for it. I’ve got all Jaana’s baby pictures on my external hard drive, but haven’t put them into an album. Now she’s almost seven. I keep saying that one day I’ll make iPhoto albums of them, but it would cost me a small fortune at this point because I’ve been so sloppy about it. I know all you super-scrabooking moms can’t even comprehend this. I’m blowing. your. mind.
Moving on comes a wee bit too easy. I’ll probably need a psychologist to interpret this one for me someday. But when it’s time to go, I’m able to let it go and move on. I never look back. Some may say this is a good thing…but I’m pretty sure for me it’s some sort of wall/defense mechanism or something. There are specific situations in which I know this has been healthy (but just a few). But in others, I know it’s a fault. Goodbyes have been too easy. Looking back was never desired. There was never sadness about leaving or letting go. Ambivalence is left in its place. I’m even ambivalent about labeling this as a flaw. My first reaction is, “So what? Move on.” (Sigh.) We can’t afford the psych bills, I’m sure.
I crack my knuckles. All of them. All the time. It’s so annoying to everyone, I know. But I just can’t help myself.
I know listing six is random, but for fear of judgment it’s all I’m willing to admit to you. Please don’t feel like you have to share the other flaws I have with me, either. (I kid.) (Or do I?)
But actually I feel a little better putting these out in the open. Maybe there’s some freedom in being honest about it. And now that they’re out there, I’ll have to be accountable. (Or do I?)
Certainly I’m not the only one who needs some freedom, too. Right?